One reason is the myth of “divorce wars.” If your divorce is going to be another “War of the Roses” (starring Danny DeVito—very funny), why wouldn’t you want to hire the most aggressive lawyer around? Well, maybe I can give you a reason.

It may surprise you to know that many divorces are settled and completed quickly. Only one court appearance is needed, and that’s just for the judge to accept your divorce agreement. Again, most sane people want to get it done this way.

So it never ceases to amaze me why anyone would think it’s necessary to hire a pit-bull lawyer. Yes, sometimes you need aggressive action, particularly if your spouse is a bully or is something less than truthful (a polite way to say “liar”). But if the lawyers work together to establish a respectful and professional tone, there’s no reason why your divorce can’t be completed amicably, even if you can no longer stand the sight of your spouse.

You have the power to determine the tone of your divorce.  If you want it to be a “War of the Roses,” go for it. You can do it. Hire a gladiator. Stir things up. Insult your spouse. Seek revenge. And pay for it with your tears and with your wallet.

Or you can choose the high road by rising above your short-term emotions. It may be tough, but it will help you get through the muck of divorce so you can begin your new life. It’s your call.

Do you wonder what the lawyer thinks of you? Maybe not, but maybe you should.

Some lawyers practice “threshold law.” They take anyone who appears at the office threshold as a client. You want a will? You got it.  Arrested on a driving under charge? C’mon in. You want to get divorced? Let’s get started. Do you have your checkbook with you?

I said some lawyers practice this way. Most don’t. Most limit the areas of law they handle. And all lawyers have their version of the personal traits they’d like to see in a potential client.

Passing the LRT Test

For me, the would-be divorce client has to pass the LRT test—like, respect, trust.

I have to like the person. “Like” means different things to different people. To me, it means not feeling anything less than neutral about the person. I don’t have to be truly fond of someone, but I can’t dislike the person, either. If I do, the relationship just won’t work. Not good for me, not good for the client.

I have to respect the person. I don’t want to hear that someone will use the kids as pawns to get more of the pension. That’s just not respectable. I also don’t like you.

I have to trust the person. I have to have confidence that a person is being honest and open with me. Again, the relationship just won’t work—and the person can do himself or herself great damage—without trust going both ways.

So shop around. Speak with several attorneys. Size them up. Just remember that, for some lawyers, you’re being interviewed, too.

For example, let’s say you’re the mother of two. Your gross (before-tax) weekly income is $800. Your husband’s gross weekly income is $1,500, and he pays $100 through work for health insurance that covers you and your children.

Under the Massachusetts child support guidelines, the weekly amount that he would pay would be $378.

If you pay child support, you may feel that it’s more than you can afford. If you receive it, you may feel that it’s less than you need. You both may be right. But there’s no arguing that the guidelines serve to lend a certain degree of predictability to the divorce process.

There’s one important aspect of any child-support amount that’s often overlooked. The guidelines are “…based upon the child(ren) having a primary residence with one parent and spending approximately one-third of the time with the other parent.”

So if the parenting arrangement with your soon-to-be ex calls for the kids to be with you significantly more than two-thirds of the time, you’re perfectly justified in seeking more than the “guideline amount.”

For more information on the Massachusetts child support guidelines, see http://www.mass.gov/courts/childsupport/guidelines.pdf.