You may decide that the best arrangement for you is the “traditional approach” where you each hire a lawyer. You and the lawyer work together, and the aim is to resolve the matter as quickly and fairly as possible.

Despite the increasing number of people taking non-traditional paths to divorce, the full-service arrangement is still the most common, mainly because it offers so much more than other options. With a full-time lawyer, you have someone who will:

• advise you on your rights
• negotiate with your spouse’s lawyer
• answer your questions
• represent you in court.

What is the “cooperative approach?”

If “cooperative” sounds wimpy, it’s not. It’s simply a method designed to get you divorced while keeping your dignity intact.

Many people still believe they need the obnoxious TV divorce lawyer. Don’t you believe it. “Civility is not a sign of weakness,” President Kennedy said. You’ll settle everything much faster with a measured approach that does not include dirty tricks, name calling, or foot dragging.

On top of being civil, the cooperative approach is also an effective strategy. So even if you’re not feeling particularly civil or cooperative, always remind yourself that this path will help you get what you deserve and get on with  your life.

Cooperative Divorce Agreement

I like the parties and their lawyers to sign a cooperative divorce agreement. Although you’re not required to sign it, and it’s not a legally binding contract, it helps to establish a civil tone at the outset.

The agreement calls for each party and lawyer to cooperate by:

• acting respectfully and by responding promptly to another’s reasonable request for information
• disclosing all financial information required by law
• negotiating to reach fair compromises when necessary
• agreeing never to disparage the other in front of your child; never use your child as a messenger; never tell a child that your divorce is anyone’s fault.